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Match Report Wed 01 Feb 2023
Match Report 2023_02_01 The Non Report of an Alleged Non Match
Players
Mufti
-------
brightonlondon
elvis
fabiocc17
JakeFlowers
Jumhal
VIIGeorgeVII
Orange Bibs
------------------
BILZ96
Ed
Guest1 (BILZ96's Guest)
Guest2 (Ed's Guest)
Hagenius
JonF
We thank BILZ96 for selecting teams this week.
Transport strike action prevented me from attending in any capacity. Andyhibbert and MarkA, who record events and often help keep good order, also could not attend. We were left in the invidious position that the only thing we can be certain of is that, when pressed on social media, respondents alluded to the fact that a match may have taken place.
We are told that there is no video footage. We are told that the camera's battery failed, and the camera was out before the match. Further enquiry led to the controller of the camera issuing the following statement:
'...the camera did not fail, it was simply not deployed at all ...'.
OK, in the grand scheme of things, we have the certainty that no film footage will be shared. As far as we know the floodlights did not fail, so the intervention of a remote betting syndicate is ruled out.
Players were tight lipped about the names of the two plus ones who kindly attended. In the absence of names, the record can only relate the guests to the person who invited them. Thank you BILZ96 and Ed's guests for helping us out on the night.
When asked about teams it even proved challenging to work out who wore what. This level of clandestine feedback actually defied belief.
In an attempt to explain things a player stated that:
'Bibs were non-bibs, and vice versa. Final score was 10-4 for bibs, which where previously called non-bibs.'
A seasoned detective could now at least infer that the score was 10 - 4.
An injured player, whom we strongly believe could not have played, took to social media to commend himself on a double hat-trick. We can safely conclude this could not have happened.
Finally, the best attempts to learn what happened were met with the pseudo academic response below:
'...if there were teams - and it is a BIG if - wouldn't it be the word of 6 against 6 in case of a group disparity when it comes to the final outcome of the match, therefore rendering it void, without visual confirmation?'
In truth, there is no place in sport for such an amalgamation of Schrödinger's cat, Zen philosophy and quantum mechanics. Indeed, this was singularly unhelpful.
The sometimes controversial VIIGeorgeVII is commended for at least trying to advise on the score. Elvis is recognised for clearly providing a final score.
Every player who attempted to cause confusion must quietly reflect on their actions, every senior player who did not challenge them is implicated by their loud silence.
Final Score
Orange Bibs 10 - 4 Mufti
Things to Note
The club must get back in touch with its official visual broadcast leads (Humble Heroics and MarkA) and appeal to them to return.
Normally I would close with - let's do it all again next match at Tottenham Wednesday FC. For the first time ever it would not be appropriate to say this. In short, I close with let's do better next match at Tottenham Wednesday FC.
