Subject: Players and Payers 2016_06_01 The Last Chance

Payers

Avvon             £5.00  

JonF               £5.00  

Kaichan         £4.00  

Milo                 £3.00  

Nathan           £5.00  

Niyi                 £3.00

Players

Mufti

--------

JonF, Kaichan, Milo (first half), Nathan, Niyi

Orange Bibs

-------------------

Avvon, JakeFlowers, luteusmaximus, Steve, Milo (second half)

Steve was in Last Chance Saloon.  In recent weeks he had contributed own goals and capped it all off by becoming one of the first managers to concede over 30 goals in a match.   

Steve was given what might be his last chance to pick teams.  He chose to be saved by the Mighty Avvon, Jake the Goal Machine Flowers and Luteusmaximus - the first of his name. 

Artist’s representation of a player in Last Chance Saloon

Nathan, who on his comeback tour, had helped Steve plumb the depths of despair the previous week was asked to give up his bib and join the legend of JonF.  Niyi further selected the majestic Kaichan to complete the quartet that would test Steve.

Scores at 1 – 1 and a few minutes into the game and Milo arrived. He joined the Muftis on the understanding that Bibs could play rush keeper and call for a player switch at nominal half time.

The Bibs performed incredibly for Steve and with almost a touch of cavalier disdain players like Luteusmaximus and Avvon began to walk through the mid-field and defence.  This is a form of play first popularised by Barkball and now done by any player who wants to psyche out his opposition.  Imagine the years of hurt that accrue from watching a player walk the ball from his own half, virtually pause for a drink, then shoot or create an assist.  The more Luteusmaximus did this the more the Bibs seemed to unravel. JakeFlowers was scoring manfully in a fashion that meant he was in no danger of losing his title.  But no matter how much the Bibs fought for Steve the Muftis continuously scored one more and by half way the Bibs were close to 7 – 4 behind.

Some players asked if it was half time.  Everyone knew it was but only Steve could call it.  Steve said in the manner of an RAF officer “it looks alright lads I think we’ll carry on”.  Players were scandalised when Steve was then warned that if he did not take the half time swap the Muftis would kill his team.  Niyi was warned that, whilst it is combative, football is not necessarily gladiatorial and even though he was in Last Chance Saloon Steve’s team would not be executed.

Steve is known for being able to glide across the pitch.  In Last Chance Saloon the beer is warm and even your boots weigh you down.  Steve was no longer gliding.  JonF was lording it over him.

Artist’s impression of boots used by players in Last Chance Saloon

The other team had arrived, they contributed nothing more positive than to misrepresent the time.  It was actually 10 minutes to go and the score stood at 10 – 6 to the Muftis.  Some people thought it was all over! 

All of a sudden Steve piped up with the immortal words “It is now time to swap”. No one could believe a team leader would call half time with only 10 minutes to go.  10 -  6 behind, who would Steve choose to save the day.

He chose the Mystical Milo, a player who brings Hogwarts to North London.

Artist’s impression of a mystical player arriving at half time

Nine minutes to go, Bibs got a goal back and were only 10 – 7 behind.

JonF’s men contrived to get another goal, 11 – 7 to the Muftis.  Steve was almost out of the door and the Muftis only needed to hold out for a few minutes more.

Jake kept scoring. Luteusmaximus kept scoring, Milo weaved some kind of unexpected spell.  The Muftis were in disarray.  Suddenly it was 11 - 11.  The other team was walking to the gate.  Muftis on the ropes just needed to hold on to the draw.

Some evenings you know the next team are cruel.  They watched.  Bibs scored again, suddenly it was 12 – 11 to the Bibs.  Muftis needed to get a late eqaualiser.  Bibs scored again and again as the gate began to open.

Final score Bibs 14 – Muftis 11.  Players were incredulous. Steve had turned the evening round after a player swap with only 10 minutes to go.  His iron will and nerves of steel had won the night.