TWFC

OK World Cup 2014 is here and every player wanted to go into it with a wining record. The question was how to guarantee a good match between 9 players with no lone spectator to join in. The answer was to assemble possibly the most powerful striking quartet in recent months against the five men. Looking at the Muftis one would be forgiven for thinking it was the equivalent of facing Zlatan Ibrahimović, Diego Forlán, Andrés Iniesta and Alan Shearer.

So four Muftis started out with the pure intention of thrashing goal upon goal into the Bibs' net. Tim, already renown for being top three in the Prodigious Strikes league, showed the side of that power that makes keepers wonder if they should have stayed in bed. He opened his account with what can only be described as a sweetly struck rocket from the half way line that never rose higher than three feet off of the ground before arrowing straight into the net. With this strike Tim took top spot in the league of Goals from Distance edging Nathan into second place.

The Muftis had started as they meant to go along. However, Steve and Arik were back this week which in theory meant the strikers would not have it their own way no matter how accomplished they were. The Muftis sounded the warning to Steve (who said he was playing as Bryan Robson) by smashing the ball into his family jewels and unsympathetically advising him not to get in the way of shots. It was due to be a bruising encounter for the Bibs.

The Muftis raced to a 3 - 1 lead but the Bibs formulated a plan to give them a run for their money. The plan, a variant of the recent 'Space Invasion', was code named 'Big Pitch' and cruelly meant that the Bibs would take advantage of the extra man by switching the ball from wing to wing to both tire their opponents out and exploit the space.

Cut to the quick by the previous week's reports of controversial goals Avvon left no uncertainty this week as coming in from his favoured right wing he continuously rifled the ball into the middle of the net, in the manner of Rickie Lambert, for a quick fire hat trick that had purists raising the roof.

Miguel, returning to the fixture after a few weeks absence, was not awed by the strike force set against him and in the manner of Neymar worked with Arik, Steve and Charles to run at the Muftis and open up their defence utilising Big Pitch tactics. Apologies were offered up for scoring from distance into empty nets but the Bibs were cautioned that there are no easy matches at this level.

Suddenly the Muftis were getting a taste of their own medicine and the score was 8 - 7 to the Bibs. Thereafter the Bibs conspired to use the stick keeper position for players to get a breather and stay at least a goal ahead of the Muftis.

At around 13 - 11 to the Bibs Arik had to leave and was invited to perform one last dazzling feat. Duly obliging Arik picked the ball up from the keeper and ran the length of the pitch down the left flank past opposition players in the manner of John Barnes v Argentina 1986 to lay the ball off for a tap in. Having witnessed this the Muftis seemed to deflate when they learned the time was 9:10pm and the next team were arriving.

The match eventually ended with the five Bibs scoring a brace more and the Muftis getting the last goal.

Match awarded to the Bibs 15 - 12.

World Cup Countdown Chart

After an eight week countdown we culminate with what is imho the greatest British World Cup song/video of all time. We know what makes a good song to send your team off to the World Cup, well this song brings it all together and sprinkles in the magical catalysts that only a master piece can deliver.

To set the scene, the tournament was in Italy, English domestic sides had been banned from Europe so leading a charm offensive the England song spoke of love. It recognised the way to endear yourself to your host is to learn some of their language and slip it casually into conversation. Suddenly every England fan could speak at least some Italian. Thanks to this song we can all say Arrivederci.

The video does that thing that is quintessential football. It shows a team of world beaters all owning the ball. In clips set to music we see the majesty of Waddle, the tenacity of the Beardsley-Lineker combination and the total ball control of Barnes and Gascoigne to mention but a few. No suits, no headphones and microphones, no parodies, no vindaloo here just pure world class 'ballers doing what they do best.

The song in classic 90s house DJ style samples the legendary Kenneth Wolstenholme 'they think it's all over' commentary from the last seconds of the World Cup '66 final. Ken actually re-recorded the words for the song. Combine this with a post-punk electronic dance music band and suddenly we have a song to sit up and take notice of. Here we have a song that was number one in the UK Singles and Indie charts and top 10 in Irish, New Zealand and U.S charts. By the way if you wear Ray-Bans this video shows you just how timeless the iconic Ray-Ban Wayfarers are.

I intimated this was all about pure football, music and style but what makes this different? Well the man whose goal against Brazil in the Maracana is probably used to torment every generation of Brazilian player showed us he could also rap. The song essentially contains a motivational team talk for how to win matches using wingers, it is delivered in the style of Jimmy Spicer's - Adventures Of Super Rhymes.

For those who were uncertain what to chant we now know it is not just a roaring ENGLAND! but a mighty rousing EN-GER-LAND!. And to cap it all off thanks to this song we now know those two words that every young player should have drummed into them so that they can play to the very best of their potential. Those words are "Express yourself"

Yes you have guessed it we have in at number 1 in all of its glory

World in Motion

by New Order featuring John Barnes and the England 1990 World Cup Squad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Re4aDJL3heA

And on that note I thank you for investing your time as I sign off this chart as England start a new campaign to win the greatest football tournament on earth.

:-D