TWFC

We played six Orange Bibs against seven Muftis and included the four players known as Atletiko Madrid Guests. We also welcomed back Phil to his first match since August 2015.

The early stages of the match saw the Orange Bibs totally dominate the game and literally stroll to a 5 – 2 lead. The two Bibs’ guests were freestyling for fun and at times literally walking the ball up the pitch and playing a form of now you see it, now you don’t. Due to the size of the pitch the extra man did not give much of an advantage to the Muftis and the Bibs were playing rush keeper to balance things.

The Bibs’ strikers were quite artistic and at times rather than score the obvious goal they would score the audacious one. I was nutmegged mercilessly. The Muftis were chasing the match and for long periods the Bibs were far ahead. Jay, one of the Mufti’s guest players, was fed the ball a lot more on the left and began to score some clinical goals, unlike his brethren he played more of the Tottenham Wednesday purist way and prioritised hitting the back of the net over mugging the keeper.

Jake and Phil who were providing a line of defence both also scored and slowly but surely the Muftis were able to draw level at around 7 -7; then eventually the Muftis pulled ahead to 12 – 9.

A penalty area infringement led to a Bibs’ penalty. AlMaher, Jorge and Milo congregated around the ball to take it in the manner of a free kick. Eventually, after some concerns about this practice of obfuscating the penalty taker, Jorge was identified. He took the penalty and continued a proud tradition of penalties mainly being scored. 12 – 10 to the Muftis.

A Bibs resurgence was mounted and after a significant period of absolute eccentricity from his keeper Phil was moved to gently ask if Niyi could stop giving the ball back to the opposition.

Ben was instructed to let his inner striker out and in his Celtic top he was asked to reinvent himself as Ben-Rick Larsson Ben duly scored and later on combined with JonF in a pseudo-Swedish duo for JonF to also score for the Muftis.

14 – 14 the match was level and no other team seemed to be coming so we played and played. The Bibs’ freestyling guests started to get tetchy with each other and when moves didn’t come off their heads seemed to drop. Without a Phil or JonF to have a gentle word in their ears the Bibs lead scorers dried up slightly. On the other hand the Muftis started to make the extra man count and spread over both flanks so the switch was constantly on. Three goals saw the Muftis edge the match to 17 – 14. The Bibs pulled one back and it was 17 – 15. No one knew the time but internal body clocks suggested it was late. Steve finally called Last Goal Wins. There was some consternation about whether this was fair or not but the match went on and the Muftis scored the final goal.

This took the score to 18 – 15 and players ended the match.

However, things did not end there. As players were changing strange things manifested at the garden end. We suspect that end of the pitch may be haunted. The devil dog has gone (we believe) but in recent weeks there has been a form of ghostly philosopher, a kind of genteel Beetlejuice who seems to take over selected players. This apparition seems to be summoned when a player on the losing side learns the score. The player then begins to eloquently discuss the wrongs of the way scores are kept, how their team was ahead and in truth won but will accept the draw. This goes on and on and can include what sounds like Latin and various long words expressing discontent with the result, match reports and record keeping in general.

Image of Philosophy Spirit

Fig 1 An Artist’s Representation of the Philosophy Spirit Appearing at the End of the Match

The first time this happened, on 17 February 2016, players were taken unawares, then worn down and agreed to a draw. This time Milo and his close confidante Jorge were told to accept the score and the Last Goal Wins outcome. This did not go down well and the philosophy spirt is believed to have followed players off of the pitch, to the gate, to the bus stop and on to a 149 bus before eventually dissipating.

Match awarded to the Muftis 18 – 15.

Things to Note

We played until 9:45pm so this is believed to be one of the longest single matches in recent times.
Tonight is believed to be the first time that JonF has won against Steve since 3 June 2015.
Gentlemen are again politely reminded that the score must be challenged and agreed during the match. No amount of philosophy after the game ends will normally be allowed to change a match outcome.

Let’s do it all again on the 23 March 2016.

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