TWFC

I have been told that I do not say enough about my own game in match reports. Well here we go. In this match I played pony and had a ‘mare, then went home, hit myself with a boot, had a full blast of the hair dryer and threatened to transfer myself to a pub side in a teetotal nation. The less said about this the better.

The Muftis kicked off the match in grand fashion with JakeFlowers scoring a brace to draw his side 2 – 0 ahead. It was all going swimmingly for the Muftis until JonF set about proving once and for all that the worst score can be 2 – 0 up. His side hit back to draw level and then went ahead. It was vintage JonF as he worked with AlMaher to rip the Muftis to shreds.

Ben experienced a debilitating stitch so Danny and Jake led the Muftis’ attack but were kept at bay by the Bibs. The Muftis committed the infringement of an outfield player playing the ball within the penalty area. This was punished with the award of a penalty to the Bibs.

The kicker stepped up to take the penalty.

STOP!

The keeper asked for proceedings to be stopped until the rules surrounding the taking of a penalty could be clarified. Players explained that the taker could take only one step before striking the ball.

The kicker stepped back to take the penalty. The keeper stepped forward and readied himself.

STOP!

Players cautioned the keeper that he must stay on his line. Danny, an aficionado of footballing matters, explained that the keeper was allowed to emulate Bruce Grobbelaar so long as he did not leave his line.

The kicker prepared again to take the penalty.

The keeper walked to his post, looked along the line, and then proceeded to inch his way back to the middle. Two feet into the keeper’s journey Milo’s legendary patience was exhausted and he lashed the ball into the back of the net.

The Muftis’ keeper protested about not being ready. Milo explained in football language that he felt he could not possibly have been obliged to wait any longer.

Bibs were further ahead now, it was something like 8 – 3. At the other end a now rejuvenated Ben, Danny and Jake were doing their best to get goals back for the Muftis. Fresh from ‘That Save’ the previous week Steve was proving that his legendary status was not a fluke. A half dozen saves later Steve was still the master.

At around 12 – 3 to the Bibs, the Muftis, for their sins, committed another infringement leading to a penalty. Milo stepped up to take it.

Methinks we have been here before.

On this occasion there was no messing about and no interruptions. Milo took a step and fired the ball at the goal. To everyone’s surprise the ball flew wide. Still open mouthed everyone watched as the ball rebounded back into play and Milo half volleyed it beautifully into the net.

No goal! - some Muftis stated.

It was Milos turn to be dumbstruck. What was the rationale for stealing his ‘goal’? Some Muftis explained that a penalty taker could not strike the ball twice without any other player touching it. The Bibs found this scandalous and referred to instances of the ball coming back off of the woodwork. They were told that if the penalty taker had managed to at least hit the target the decision might have been different. From a position of several goals up the Bibs showed their derision but chalked off their ‘goal’.

The Bibs kept increasing their lead, AlMaher and JonF were essentially filling their boots. By this point Steve had pulled off a string of about a dozen saves to keep the Muftis down to a grand total of four goals. Seemingly perplexed at proceedings JonF received a ball on the edge of his own area and diverted it into his net to help the Muftis understand how to beat Steve. Bibs 14 – Muftis 5.

No matter what the Muftis did the Bibs seemed to do better (there is a 1980s rap lyric in there somewhere). Eventually it was agreed that the game would switch to rush keeper. All this meant was that the Bibs just scored even more goals then tracked back to defend. By the time the next team arrived the Bibs led 23 – 7.

One must praise the Bibs not only on the manner of their victory but on the philosophy of their performance. The Bibs joined the German 2014 FIFA World Cup squad in recognising that when you have a team on the ropes don’t pass the ball around and take it easy. What you have to do is give the opposition a Rambo, Rocky, John McLane – Yippee Ki Yay – Mother of all beatings. Roy Hodgson is invited to speak with JonF about strategies for doing this.

Match awarded to the Bibs 23 – 7

A Look Back At The Rules of Football

There had been a genteel but firm disagreement in relation to the second penalty. As gentlemen concerned it is necessary to clear up whether the Bibs had been unreasonably treated. Let us look at the relevant FIFA rules on penalties.

Law 14: The Penalty Kick (relevant excerpts)

The ball:

must be placed on the penalty mark

The player taking the penalty kick:

must be properly identified

The defending goalkeeper:

must remain on his goal line, facing the kicker, between the goalposts until the ball has been kicked

If, after the penalty kick has been taken:
the kicker touches the ball again (except with his hands) before it has touched another player:

an indirect free kick is awarded to the opposing team, the kick to be taken from the place where the infringement occurred.

With these rules in mind we see that the decision to disallow the goal from the second penalty was correct. Indeed the Muftis should have been awarded an indirect free kick.

Interestingly it is also noted that the first penalty should have been re-taken on the grounds that the keeper was not facing the kicker when the penalty was taken. In fairness the keeper could have been given a caution for his actions.

So there we have it, justice was done in the decision and everyone is hopefully reassured that we take fair play very seriously at TWFC.

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